6 Ways to “Win” In Ministry When You Have ADHD

You’re flawed, but you’re not a failure.

Vocational ministry is a double-edged sword for a pastor with ADHD. For most people who suffer from this disorder, organizational skills, time management, and administration become huge nightmares for the leader with ADHD, the church team that surrounds them and the congregations they serve. Missed email, tardiness, and unfocused conversations can have a huge impact on the work that so many pastors are passionate about. Here are a few stats that put some of this in perspective:

• Less than 20 percent of adults with ADHD have been diagnosed or treated, and only about one-quarter of those adults seek help.
• More than half (60 percent) of adults with ADHD surveyed said they had lost or changed a job and attributed the job loss to their ADHD symptoms. More than 36 percent reported having 4 or more jobs in the past 10 years, and 6.5 percent responded they have had 10 or more jobs within the past 10 years.
• Adults with ADHD are likely to have an anxiety disorder, depression, bipolar disorder, or other comorbid psychiatric disorder.
• About 50 percent of adults with ADHD also suffer from an anxiety disorder. Adult ADHD symptoms that coexist with an anxiety disorder or other disorders may significantly impair the ability to function.
• According to one study, a person who has ADHD is almost twice as likely as one who does not have ADHD to be divorced. A different study suggests that 58 percent of relationships with at least one person with ADHD are clinically dysfunctional—twice that of the non-ADHD population.

This ADHD thing is no joke. It affects every part of your life and when you’re in a position of leadership, it can devastate the potential impact and influence you could be having with those you lead. It feels like an unwinnable fight, but it’s not. Don’t ever expect to become an administrative Jedi, but, there are strategies and tools that can help you cope with the reality of your disorder.

***Before we get into specific strategies and tools, the first step is to get assessed by a psychiatrist. Don’t play games. If you’re an adult reading this, you don’t have time to muddle around. If you’re pastoring, in a relationship/married or have kids you’re already dealing with very tired people. Everyone is being nice to you, but deep down they are exhausted of dealing with you. It’s not that they don’t love you or think that you aren’t a talented leader; it’s that they’ve been selflessly picking up after you. Getting a private assessment puts on paper the exact type of ADHD you have, the severity of it and recommendations for specific strategies that can help you. It’s physical evidence that there is a problem.

1. Get Friends: I don’t mean people you hang out with once in a while. I’m talking about friends who are like family. People who love you enough to tell you the truth about how your actions and behaviors have affected them. At the same time, you need friends who will love you unconditionally and journey with you as you figure things out. You’re going to need people in your corner. Ministry is hard and it’s lonely. Having friends that can shoulder you, call you out and push you are an invaluable resource for anyone, but especially for a pastor with ADHD.

    2. Get a Counsellor: Get an ADHD specialized therapist. These people are trained to deal with ADHD brains. They understand the neurology, as well as the behavioral challenges you face. They will be able to give you advice and help you strategize. Don’t cheap out! The cost at first is high, but over time you shouldn’t need to see your therapist as much (That’s the point of going to counseling). It’s well worth the investment for yourself, your family and your church.

    3.  Get Active: Dopamine, endorphins, norepinephrine, and serotonin levels spike when you’re physically active. For someone with ADHD “Exercise turns on the attention system, the so-called executive functions — sequencing, working memory, prioritizing, inhibiting, and sustaining attention,” It doesn’t have to be CrossFit. Even a 30-minute walk outside can do the trick.

     4. Get Administrative Help: Depending on the size of your church, you might not be able to afford an administrative assistant. You can, however, invest in resources that automate administrative processes for you. Online software like Planning center, Text in Church and anything by Google (docs, calendars, sheets etc.) can help you organize and follow up with your congregants. If you still need something to help you prioritize; the Productivity Planner is an amazing tool that keeps you focused. It integrates the Pomodoro technique which is such a helpful strategy for someone with an ADHD brain. If you’re willing to do some research, you’ll find that the number of resources and aids are endless. You have to find what works best for you. You’ll never be an amazing administrator, but you’ll be able to keep up…Mostly.

     5. Get a Hobby: Ministry lends itself to workaholism. A pastor with ADHD who is passionate about helping others spiritually will spend all of their time and energy doing church work. A characteristic of ADHD is something called “hyperfocus.” Hyperfocus is the tendency for children and adults with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD or ADD) to focus very intently on things that interest them. At times, the focus is so strong that they become oblivious to the world around them. Hyperfocus is the flipside of another ADHD symptom, distractibility. The drive to be “successful” and to accomplish a lot for God’s kingdom can drive a pastor with ADHD to work non stop, obsess and ultimately burn out. Find something you can put time and energy into that is not ministry. It will bring a level of fulfillment to your life and it will keep you balanced. You can even combine this with getting active. Whatever you choose to do, just make sure it is detached from your responsibilities at the church.

6. Get Honest: Stop acting like there is nothing wrong with you… There is. The only way you’ll ever feel like you’re winning at life is if you admit that there is something abnormal about your situation. If you have diagnosed ADHD and you’ve been hesitant to share it with people in your church, you need to get over it. If you’re a good pastor, you’ve taught your people to live in the tension between grace and truth. Although your team and your church might be frustrated with you, they love you. If they know that there is something wrong and see that you’re doing everything you can to cope with your ADHD, they will be more than willing to journey with you. If there has already been a lot of damage done because you’ve tried to deal with your disorder on your own, humble yourself and ask them for forgiveness. Your pride has gotten the best of you and whether you know it or not, it’s killing you.

I hope you’ve noticed I didn’t say anything about medication. Taking meds is a very personal decision. Studies are clear that a combination of medication and therapy is the best course of action for adults with ADHD. But maybe you’re nervous about meds. Make sure you talk to your family doctor about all the benefits, side effects and potential pitfalls. ADHD meds are NOT a silver bullet. They help, but they are not the ultimate solution for coping with your disorder.

Your life in pastoral ministry is not doomed. You can be a thriving leader who raises their capacity level and serves their church with excellence. Don’t believe the lie that you’re a screw-up and that you’ll never get it together. It’s not true. God has a way of helping those who seek Him for help. The very fact that you are reading this blog post is evidence that you want to get better. You are not alone, God has more for you than you can imagine and he’s using you in spite of your disorder.

ADHD Pastor // Part 1

” Have you ever been tested for ADHD?”

My wife and I were in a counseling session when the counselor blurted out this question. I immediately dismissed it. I had only ever associated ADHD with elementary school-aged children. I was definitely not a child. I was a full grown man in his 30’s who was on the brink of losing his marriage, and here was this therapist associating my behavior with a disorder that only hyperactive kids on Ritalin have. I was insulted… But I was also desperate.

After we got home, I fell into a web MD vortex of self-diagnosis. The scary part was that everything I was reading wasn’t just applicable, every case study was like reading my own story…

• Impulsiveness
• Disorganization and problems prioritizing
• Poor time management skills
• Problems focusing on a task
• Trouble multitasking
• Excessive activity or restlessness
• Poor planning
• Low frustration tolerance
• Frequent mood swings
• Problems following through and completing tasks
• Hot temper
• Trouble coping with stress

For the first time, it seemed like things were making sense. There was potentially a reason as to why I couldn’t be content with the positions at the churches I had worked in. There was a reason why I was a strong starter, but couldn’t keep things together over the long term. There was a reason why I could never remember to bring milk home or show up for supper on time. I was frustrated with myself. My family was frustrated because I was letting them down. Something needed to change and maybe, just maybe there was something to this whole ADHD thing.

I found a psychiatrist who specialized in adult ADHD assessments. I made an appointment and tried not to throw up every time I thought about how badly I was screwing up my life and the lives of the people I loved most.

On the surface, things looked ok, but I couldn’t keep anything together. I never remembered important info, I was late for everything and my wife felt like she had a fourth child. She not only had to keep everything together for our three kids, but she also had to deal with the fact that her husband was completely unreliable. My kids were constantly having to put up with a dad who would either show up late or not at all for their activities.

The lead up to the assessment was awful. Carrie was convinced that if I was diagnosed with ADHD that I would use it as a justification for all the neglect and pain that I had caused her over the years.  I was scared. I was lost. I knew that if the results came back as positive, I had no more excuses. I couldn’t hide behind being a busy dad or an overworked pastor. If there was finally a reason for all of it, there would have to be a major overhaul in my life.

It was three sessions in total. I shared every detail of my past, the struggles I had experienced as well as the patterns that seemed to reoccur over and over again. We talked, I did tests and then… I waited three weeks for the results. Those weeks were awful. There were so many “what ifs” rolling around in my brain.

The day finally came. I met Carrie at the therapist’s office. She read out the results. It definitely was ADHD. I found out that ADHD is the umbrella term. There are three different kinds: Attention (ADD), Hyperactivity ( in adults it shows up as impulsivity) and finally, a combo of the first two. Of course, I have the combo and on a scale of mild to severe, I’m three-quarters of the way to severe. It was bad. I was in shock. Carrie was crying and said: “I wish we would have gotten this diagnosis three years ago!”

She was done, I felt like a failure and only God could clean up this mess.

Part 2 tomorrow.